Life/

Does being hardworking actually pays off? Sometimes, I really doubt that. I mean it's like, you work so hard, but you just dont get as good as others. Especially those that they don't work as hard as you. (I'm not sure if they work as hard as me, but I'm assuming no) It's so frustrating that you have worked so hard, and yet, some people can just overtake you just by a little effort. Just because they can understand better and all they need is just a little time. Is it fair? Life is just not fair.

Is it wrong to envy your friends that get good grades? Or should I say jealous? I don't think I'm the only one feels so, or am I? I don't want to, I want to be happy for them too, but it's just so hard. I tried, I really did. And every time jealousy strikes, I just feel so bad, full of guilt, like why am I being such a bad friend for feeling so. Even though I don't show it out, but inside I'm honestly breaking. And I just hate it so much when people gives me that "pity look" after they found out that my results aren't that good. Damn it okay, I don't need your pity.

I feel like a total loser. Fuck it. I've tried so hard, and honestly I'm stuck. I'm not going anywhere near to my goals. It feels like I'm moving further apart from it. Sometimes, life is just so meaningless. I don't even know why am I alive. What I live for. The only reason I'm still living is because God gave me a life, and I know I am not supposed to waste it.

STARWALK '12

Starwalk definitely brings back memories, whether it's the good ones or the bad ones. This year I went with Wan Wen and just like last year, I was unable to finish this damn thing together with YuWei. Went there late 11 mins, but we managed to cope up with others and finished it within the time given. Well, it's really embarassing if I dont finish it in 2 hours, so I gave everything I got and finished it!
While walking I actually thought of last year how me and Coreen managed to finish it in 1 hour and a half. We weren't walking in a very fast speed as I remember. And last year, I met quite a number of my old friends there, but this year NONE. this is so sad. :/
Went back early as I dont see a point of being there alone and it just keeps me longing to see you appear in front of me when I wasnt even sure if you were there. God knows what was the best for me, and I think this is the best for us. Thank you Father for giving me strength to complete this walk safe and sound. :) <3 nbsp="nbsp">

Novels

Ummm did I blog about the new book that I bought the other day? It's called Keeping Secrets. It's actually a two stories in one book :) Faking 19 and Saving Zoë.

To me, both these two novels are like to find yourself as you grow up. Saving Zoë is nicer than Faking 19 in my opinion. Faking 19 is mainly about the main girl wanting to be grown up and explore and she messed up when her parents filed a divorce.

Saving Zoë is about Echo, finding herself as she always wanted to live a life like Zoë, her sister. She soon found out that her sister kept a lot of secrets from people and suffered by herself. And Marc, her sister's boyfriend that got accused for the cause of her sister's death. Its a really nice book to read. I actually cried when Echo found out everything.I think I can relate so much is because my brother is a lot like Zoe, in a few ways.

Around the corner

Well as you people know, SPM trials is around the corner! But... I've actually finished another anime despite SPM trials is so near. Oh well, I need to have breaktime right?

Umm. This anime, Kaze No Stigma is quite nice, for me. The drawing is definitely nothing compared to Fairy Tail. The storyline is nice though. But I'd still chooose Fairy Tail! I learnt something though. You don't sacrifice for people you love, you protect them and live together happily. Never give up. 

And well, I finished the another anime too. The money of possibility and souls if I'm not wrong. This anime is complicated. Really. I dont really get it but I enjoy watching it. Loved Kimimaro's asset, Mashyu. She's heck pretty & strong.