Does being hardworking actually pays off? Sometimes, I really doubt that. I mean it's like, you work so hard, but you just dont get as good as others. Especially those that they don't work as hard as you. (I'm not sure if they work as hard as me, but I'm assuming no) It's so frustrating that you have worked so hard, and yet, some people can just overtake you just by a little effort. Just because they can understand better and all they need is just a little time. Is it fair? Life is just not fair.
Is it wrong to envy your friends that get good grades? Or should I say jealous? I don't think I'm the only one feels so, or am I? I don't want to, I want to be happy for them too, but it's just so hard. I tried, I really did. And every time jealousy strikes, I just feel so bad, full of guilt, like why am I being such a bad friend for feeling so. Even though I don't show it out, but inside I'm honestly breaking. And I just hate it so much when people gives me that "pity look" after they found out that my results aren't that good. Damn it okay, I don't need your pity.
I feel like a total loser. Fuck it. I've tried so hard, and honestly I'm stuck. I'm not going anywhere near to my goals. It feels like I'm moving further apart from it. Sometimes, life is just so meaningless. I don't even know why am I alive. What I live for. The only reason I'm still living is because God gave me a life, and I know I am not supposed to waste it.
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